{"id":7199,"date":"2023-10-30T18:26:23","date_gmt":"2023-10-30T18:26:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/infundpros.com\/finance\/im-35-and-mortgage-free-my-boyfriend-55-wants-me-to-move-into-his-house-and-help-pay-off-his-mortgage-what-should-i-do\/"},"modified":"2023-10-30T18:26:24","modified_gmt":"2023-10-30T18:26:24","slug":"im-35-and-mortgage-free-my-boyfriend-55-wants-me-to-move-into-his-house-and-help-pay-off-his-mortgage-what-should-i-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/infundpros.com\/?p=7199","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m 35 and mortgage-free. My boyfriend, 55, wants me to move into his house and help pay off his mortgage. What should I do?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Moneyist,<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I\u2019m 35 and have been dating a man 20 years older than me; he is 55. I have a 5-year-old child. Things were going well until we started having conversations about the relationship being serious and possibly merging our assets.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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He shared his home with his ex-wife after being married for 20 years. He recently took out a second mortgage on that home. He also has adult children in their late 20s, and they seem to still be heavily dependent on him for financial support.<\/p>\n

He is repaying his own student loans, and also those for his children. I own my home free and clear. My student loans will be paid off within the next two years, and I made a few good investments so I have quite a bit of funds in savings and a good retirement account.<\/p>\n

A standoff over the future<\/strong><\/h2>\n

When we discussed taking steps to move the relationship forward and discussed marriage, I expressed that I would be willing to sell my current home, purchase a new home and asked that he do the same so we can build a life together. He was completely opposed to this plan.\u00a0<\/p>\n

His ideal plan: I move into his current house that he shared with his ex-wife until he can pay it off, which would be in 10 to 15 years and then we could purchase a new home together. He also said that I could help him pay off his house to move the process along quicker.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If we decide to go with his plan, his adult children will inherit that home. He\u2019s not willing to compromise in this area, and it has created a roadblock in the relationship. I do not want to move into his home, and he says I\u2019m being selfish and unrealistic.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

What should I do?<\/p>\n

Anonymous<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n<\/figure><\/div>\n

Dear Anonymous,<\/strong><\/h2>\n

He is the ultimate speed dater. By moving in, you will effectively halve the term of his mortgage.<\/p>\n

Divorce is economically devastating for many couples, many of whom end up splitting their assets 50\/50, especially if they both started off in their 20s, had children and built a life together. It can trigger a financial setback of 15 or 20 years, particularly when paying off a mortgage is concerned.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It sounds like your boyfriend kept the house and refinanced in order to pay off his ex-wife. That, plus the burden of these student loans has left him in a pickle. If you move in, rent out your home and pay him rent for the next 15 years, he\u2019ll be free and clear by the time he\u2019s 70.<\/p>\n

That sounds like a very nifty plan. He\u2019s proposing the \u201cdetergent and fabric softener in one bottle\u201d answer to his post-divorce money problems: he gets a relationship with a woman who has all her budgetary ducks in a row and a tenant in a 2-for-1 deal.\u00a0<\/p>\n

His plan is non-negotiable<\/strong><\/h2>\n

His plan is more likely to succeed if he makes it non-negotiable, so now we have five problems. 1: The original proposal. 2: The lack of compromise. 3: His many student-debt obligations. 4: His response that you are selfish and unrealistic. 5: The 20-year age difference.<\/p>\n

The last one is only a challenge because you are at different stages of your life. You are a young mother; his children are grown. You are on the road to fiscal freedom; he is climbing back into the black after a divorce. You have hearts in your eyes; he has dollar signs in his.\u00a0<\/p>\n

There\u2019s one thing I do like about this suggestion: you both remain financially independent. Whatever you decide, make sure this is a core tenet of any plan. You have your own home and a 5-year-old child to raise, so I caution you against buying a home with him.<\/p>\n

Paying off your boyfriend\u2019s mortgage should not be part of your retirement plan.<\/p>\n

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>Twitter.<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Check out\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>the Moneyist private Facebook<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0group, where we look for answers to life\u2019s thorniest money issues. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019ve been living inside a silent divorce\u2019: I want a \u2018kitchen-table\u2019 separation from my husband without lawyers. Is that a good idea?<\/p>\n

\u2018I cashed in my retirement account to buy our home\u2019: My husband left me and our two kids and won\u2019t pay the mortgage. What now?<\/p>\n

My wife and I bought a beautiful lakeside home for $700,000. It\u2019s now worth $1.2 million. Do we sell now to avoid capital gains?<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n